Marvelous Pigs in Satin

As humans, we tend to focus on what we lack.  God has asked us to give thanks every day, and to be grateful in all things.  This is a gift to us to help us overcome our natural tendency to focus on what we lack.  Bob Goff said, “We are not held back by what we don’t have.  We are held back by what we do have and don’t use.”

One way to bloom is to look around and ask yourself, “What do I have that I’m not using?”

My grandmother, Lenore Bennion, told me, “Happiness is not getting what you want.  Happiness is doing your duty and being glad.”

 One way to bloom is to ask yourself good questions that lead to gladness.

 “Why?” is generally a terrible question. e.g. “Why is my house always so messy?”  “Why are things so hard right now?”

 Instead ask “How?” or “What?” questions:

 How can I get my work done and have fun at the same time?

What can I do to laugh a lot today?

How can I make today better than yesterday?

What can I do to show my boss that I am the best person for this job?

Another way to bloom is to recognize your true value. 

On a Sunday morning in January, six years ago, I stayed home from church with my 2-year-old twins, who were both feverish.  As I sat on the couch snuggling them, I felt suddenly an awe that my presence was what they wanted most.  They were miserable, and they just wanted me.  It’s incredible, really.  All the things I constantly criticize myself for, they didn’t care about.  They didn’t care that I needed to lose 40 pounds. They didn’t care that I wasn’t wearing makeup or dressed in trendy clothes. They didn’t care that the dinner I fixed the night before was hasty and lacked vegetables.  They didn’t care that I hadn’t mopped the floor yet. They just wanted me.

“You never know how much good you do.  …You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price. ~Gordon B Hinkley To the Women of the Church 2003

As we bloom and grow, we can recognize that growing is not always easy. Growth means change, and change can be scary and uncomfortable.  If life feels hard- that’s good! That means you are learning and changing!

“It might be hard at first or always.  “If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived.”
―Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Inconvenient Messiah”

Another way to bloom is to spend time on something you are good at. Always setting goals to work on what you are bad at can get discouraging.  Work on something that brings you joy!  Heavenly Father gave you gifts for a reason.

1 Timothy 4:14 Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery (elders).

 The same principle applies to service. You don’t always need to know what is most needed, you can serve out of the abundance of what brings you joy. We feel inadequate because we are. Let control of the outcome.  Bring your little basket of loaves and fish to the Savior’s feet and let Him multiply them.  We bloom when we serve others from the joy that overflows out of our hearts.

When we are going through hard things, it can be easy to think that God has forgotten us, that he is not nearby.  But the scriptures show us a different picture.

Jacob chapter 5:21-22

 And it came to pass that the servant said unto his master: How comest thou hither to plant this tree, or this branch of the tree? For behold, it was the poorest spot in all the land of thy vineyard.

And the Lord of the vineyard said unto him: Counsel me not; I knew that it was a poor spot of ground; wherefore, I said unto thee, I have nourished it this long time, and thou beholdest that it hath brought forth much fruit.

The Lord knows where you are planted, he knows the difficulty of your ground, and he is nourishing you.  He knows what is good for you and for your family.

“So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.”
―Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You”

My thoughts on Matthew 19:
Maybe after a long day of healing mulititudes,

of being challenged by Pharisees,

accused by scribes,

rejected by people who just wanted more magic bread,

teaching his disciples (who just still didn’t “get it”)

—maybe after all that, Jesus just wanted to be surrounded by some innocence and some pure love unfeigned.

He said, “Please, let the little children come. THIS is heaven. Let me be surrounded by heaven for a little bit.”

Art by AJspalette https://www.etsy.com/listing/1027503187/

We provide hope and a heart by constantly reminding our children of all the good that we can see in them. They do not need to hear us worrying that they are forgetting to do the right thing. They do not need us to list their failings. They need to hear that we think they are wonderful, fantastic, amazing humans. Because they are.

I was asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting this Sunday. I was told I could speak on whatever I wanted, so I chose to share some experiences from my life that are foundational to my testimony of Jesus Christ.

Why should I keep the commandments?

When I was young, I often got painful ear-aches. My parents had a little rectangular heating pad, and when I had an ear-ache, I would lie down with my bad ear on that pad. The heat kind of helped reduce the pain in my ear. I remember one evening when I was ten or 11, lying with my ear on that heating pad and feeling miserable. Because I was feeling so miserable, my thoughts became miserable also.

I thought about how hard it was to be good all the time.  I thought, “I will spend my whole life working hard to keep the commandments and having no fun, and then I will die and go to heaven, and I’ll STILL have to keep the commandments!”  Suddenly, I felt that the commandments were like chains, holding me down forever.  Miserable tears trickled across my cheeks and dripped into my bad ear.

Why should I bother trying so hard to keep the commandments? What was all this effort worth?

And then I heard a voice, and the voice said, “Because Heavenly Father and Jesus love you, and they want you to be with them.” And just like that, the chained down feeling left me, and instead I felt intensely loved. The commandments are love, not restrictions!

From this point, the foundation of my testimony has been: I am loved, and keeping the commandments is worth it because my Heavenly Father and Mother and Jesus Christ love me, and they want me to be with them, and I want to be with them.

Is the Book of Mormon true?

As a teenager, I decided that I needed to pray and find out if the Book of Mormon was really true.  I thought it was true, but was that just me?  Did I just believe it because my parents had taught me when I was little? I didn’t know how to tell if what I thought and felt was the Holy Ghost or if I was just making it up in my head.  

I prayed and prayed and felt like I was not getting an answer. Maybe I was looking for some kind of miraculous event- my own first vision. Finally one day, I just had a thought, “You already know it is true.” I realized that I did not need the Holy Ghost to tell me the Book of Mormon was true. I knew it already, and that was enough.

Why should I stay in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?

When I was in high school, I dated a boy who was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In fact, he was a member of one of those Christian churches that have Sunday classes on “Why Mormons are Wrong and Bad.” I thought that I loved this boy, and I thought that I would marry him. I knew that if I married him, I would never go to my church again. I thought about all the things I had learned in Primary and at home in Family Home Evening. It was going to be such a great black hole in my life to leave all of that behind. But I was going to sacrifice myself on the altar of (false) love. One day, my mother asked me, “You might be willing to leave the church for yourself, but what about your children? Do you want them to be born in a family that is sealed in the temple?”

I knew I wanted my children to grow up as I had, in a family sealed together. I wanted them to learn to sing “I am a Child of God” in primary, and to know that they had a Heavenly Mother and a Heavenly Father. I wanted them to have the Book of Mormon, so they could grow up with heroes like Nephi and Ammon and Captain Moroni.

I broke up with that boy. I am Rebecca, and I waited until I found my Isaac (who was actually named Benjamin.) My covenant husband who would help me raise children in righteousness.

True love always brings you closer to God.  

“The Church” is not some guys in suits in Salt Lake City making rules. The Church is all of us, working together to help each other walk with Jesus Christ. We are the body of Christ. That is why you can’t really leave the church. You may think you have left, but you haven’t really left. You are still one of us, and we will always be here for you. The church is a forever family.

Why should I accept callings?

So as you know, my husband is a captain in the Army National Guard, but before he was in the Guard, I was in the Guard for 8 years, and my basic training was tougher than his! For one thing, it was back in the 1900’s. Everything was harder back then.

Well near the end of my basic training, we had a 15 km ruck march to complete. It was terribly hot, muggy Missouri weather, so we began the march at 8pm and rucked through the night. I was a platoon guide at that time, so I was in charge of a group of about 15 other basic trainees, and it was my job to make sure they all completed the march. We had on all our gear, canteen belts, heavy rucksacks (filled with gear we would not need just to make them heavy), helmets, and our rifles. We were lined up in single file, about 4 feet apart on the road, and we started marching.

15km is long enough, but I didn’t just march 15km, because I was a platoon guide. Rucking spread out like that is lonely, and in the night it was eerie and discouraging as well. I walked forward and backward along the line of the soldiers I was responsible for, making sure they were doing ok. Making sure they were drinking water. Encouraging them.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, as we got out of the forest and into paved road and buildings, the drill sergeants took direct charge, formed us back up into platoons, and marched us in formation for the last portion of the ruck. Suddenly, I wasn’t responsible for anyone but myself anymore. With no-one to worry about except myself, I became acutely aware of how tired I was. My feet hurt so badly, they felt as wide as pancakes, and every step felt like I was stepping on nails. My hip was stinging and burning (when we got back to the barracks, I found that my canteen had rubbed a patch of skin raw during the march). I almost quit. I was sure that I could not go on. The first three-quarters of the march, I had been happy and energized as I encouraged and helped others. I did not notice my own pain or fatigue. The last one-quarter, I was miserable and suffering as I had only myself to focus on. That night, I learned that I was able to accomplish much more distance when I was focused on helping others than when I was only focused on myself.

I have found this is true as a parent, also.  I might not be willing to work on overcoming my sins and weaknesses just for myself, but I am willing to change so that my husband and my children have a better wife and mother.

In the General Handbook of the church, section 4.1 it reads:

Leaders encourage members to engage in God’s work by becoming true followers of Jesus Christ.  To do this, leaders first strive to be the Savior’s faithful disciples by following His teachings and example.  Then they can help others draw nearer to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.  In the process of helping others, they become better disciples themselves.  Being a faithful disciple in order to help others become a faithful disciple is the purpose behind every calling in the Church.  Each calling includes opportunities to serve, lead, and strengthen others.

True love is costly. We are interconnected, and we have to be responsive to one another.  Without each other, none of us would be willing to do all the work necessary to become like Jesus Christ.  We need each other in order to become aware of our own weakness and lack of love.  We need each other to learn how to love in the true way.

How can I be forgiven of my sins?

One Sunday I had guard drill, so I was working, but my Commander let us go a little early, and as I drove home, I realized that if I stopped at the church, I could just catch the last bit of General Conference. I slipped into the back of the chapel, eager to be spiritually fed, happy to have not missed it all. Whoever it was that was speaking in that moment said, “the atonement is more personal than we realize.”

I turned that phrase over in my mind for many weeks, wondering what it could mean. Then one day as I was reading the Book of Mormon, a vision flashed through my mind. I saw a tree on a small hill, and under the tree, Jesus Christ was kneeling. He was praying, and he was bowed down by a great weight. I was in a line of people, an endless line, as if it contained everyone in the whole world, waiting to go to the hill. And then it was my turn. I stood alone before my Savior. He raised His eyes and looked on me. I do not remember what His face looked like, but I remember the emotions I saw there.

He saw me. He knew me. He understood me.

He loved me.

He agreed “yes, I will take her sins upon me.”

And then I saw him wince as the weight of my sins dropped down upon His shoulders.

and then I was no longer there- it was someone else’s turn.

In 1Nephi 21:16, Nephi writes the words of Isaiah: Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands…

When Jesus visited the children of Lehi after his resurrection, 

They heard a voice from heaven saying,

3Nephi 11: 7-12

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

8 And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.

9 And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:

10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.

11 And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the dwill of the Father in all things from the beginning.

12 And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude fell to the earth; for they remembered that it had been prophesied among them that Christ should show himself unto them after his ascension into heaven.

They fell down in surprise and fear.  But Jesus spake to them, saying, 

3Nephi 11:14-17

14 Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.

15 And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.

16 And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying:

17 Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him.

They fell down again, but this time in worship and love because each of them had felt the nail prints in his hands, and really knew who He was, and I wonder as they looked at His wounds, did they each see their own name written there?

Today in Relief Society we discussed this talk from October 2022 General Conference: Building a Life Resistant to the Adversary. Elder Zeballos gave us an analogy from his experience as a civil engineer. While in the university, he looked forward to taking classes on how to design buildings that could be “Anti-seismic.” However, the professor of the class explained on the first day that no building can be anti-seismic, “because earthquakes will occur anyway, whether we like it or not… What I can teach you is how to design structures that are seismic-resistant, structures that can resist the forces coming from an earthquake, so that the structure remains standing without suffering serious damage and can then continue offering the service for which it had been conceived.”

Since this was to be a metaphor for our spiritual lives, I asked my sisters:

“What are the earthquakes that occur in our lives? What things happen that shake us, a little or a lot?”

We listed many, including: death, serious illness, divorce, abuse, having a gay child, loss of job/money problems, changes in church policies, unfairness/injustice, complexity of our lives and the world, family members leaving the church, internal conflict with pride/selfishness, and unmet expectations about how the church should be, how God should be, how life should be, or how we should be.

Elder Zeballos said, “The joy promised in the scriptures should not be understood to mean… that we will have no ‘cracks’ as consequences of temptations, of adversity, or from actual trials of our earth life.” I asked,

How does recognizing “earthquakes will occur anyway, whether we like it or not,” help us to be resistant to the adversary?

Here we had a discussion about THE PLAN OF SALVATION: how it began with Creation, how then there was a Fall, and finally an Atonement. Even though we like to pretend that we don’t have to experience the Fall, each of us lives this creation-fall-atonement story arc many times in our lives. Our children go through it. Our marriages go through it. We go through it. Happily for us, our doctrine embraces the Fall. We know that we could not stay in the Garden of Eden. Mankind had to Fall in order to move forward. But God so loved the word that He sent His Only Begotten Son. There was an Atonement made to help us overcome the Fall and return to God’s presence.

Our faith goes through this same path. We begin in the Garden of Eden phase. Everything is tidy, clean-cut, black and white. It seems strong, but it is actually fragile, because there are unexposed weaknesses. Then life happens, earthquakes happen. We are shaken. We have a crack or a broken window, or our roof collapses, perhaps the entire life feels in ruins. We enter the Fall. Here we realize everything isn’t tidy. Everything doesn’t match up. It is complex! It’s a mess! It is scary to be in the Fall. We can feel like we are off the path. It is hard to get our balance. Here is where it is important to remember that earthquakes will happen to everyone. Being in the Fall is part of being on the path. It is accounted for in THE PLAN. Within the Fall, we may wish for those good old days when everything was simple. We may be afraid to talk to others for fear of shaking their faith. we may become bitter and try to bring others to join us, or we may become apathetic. The important thing when we are in the Fall, is not to build our house there. It is not a great place to stay long term. We need to find hope and move forward. We may wish that we could go back to the garden, but it is impossible to go back.

Even though we know that the Fall is part of the path, its uncomfortable for us to be there or to acknowledge it. When are children or friends are there, we get even more uncomfortable, even afraid. We want to rush in and bear our testimony about how we overcame that particular earthquake, or tell them why we don’t think they should feel shaken in the first place. A fascinating thing happened during our Relief Society Lesson. When one sister brought up that changes in church policy have sometimes been an “earthquake” for her, immediately, 5-6 hands went up. It was obvious that most of us had struggled with this because almost everyone had a comment to make to share how they had mended this particular crack in their own foundation. I think it is good to share our experiences. I also think it is important that before we start trying to mend cracks in our spiritual houses, we need to acknowledge the extent of the damage. If we skip over this acknowledgement, whether due to fear, discomfort, or eagerness to share our own journey, we may alienate the loved one we are trying to help. We may miss the actual damage, placing a bandage over where we think the crack is, instead of where it actually is. We may apply a surface treatment, not realizing how deep the damage goes.

Elder Zeballos said, “The event of an earthquake leaves its mark even on structures that were correctly designed and built…” We need to acknowledge the cracks before we try to repair them. What has been shaken? How deep are the cracks? We need to put our arm around our friend (or our-self) and just listen for awhile. We need to acknowledge that the earthquake happened. That damage was done, and that it was scary and it hurt. Repairs cannot begin until the extent of the damage is known and acknowledged.

When we or someone we love experiences an earthquake, we need not be afraid. They are not doing something wrong because they have been shaken. Instead, we can celebrate the progress that has happened! This is part of THE PLAN! It is a necessary part of the journey. The important thing to remember is to keep progressing. As Jared Halverson says, “Don’t let a good faith crisis go to waste.” A good faith crisis will move you closer to God. We also need to be patient and be okay with letting them move slowly through the repair process.

We need to allow their repair process to look different from our own. I was once in a counseling group trying to process an event in my life that I needed to grieve over. Another woman in the class was very uncomfortable with my grief. She kept insisting that I should not be sad because of this and that. That I would not be sad once I realized, as she had, this other thing. But I was not ready for any of those things yet. First, I just needed to grieve the loss I had experienced. When I was ready, the Lord spoke to my heart the truths that healed my wounds. While a friend could be the way that the Lord speaks healing words to a wounded heart, always remember, that heart needs to be ready to heal- else the balm may not sink in.

Elder Zeballos said, ” ..because of the grace that reaches us through the Atonement of our Savior, we will be successful in constructing a life resistant to sin…” Through the power of Jesus Christ, by His Grace, our shaken life can be repaired. Our tumbled down house can be rebuilt. When we enter the Atonement stage, our faith is stronger than before. Instead of a foundation build on incorrect expectations, we have learned more about the nature of God and ourselves. We have moved from simple to complex, and on to simplicity beyond the complex. Our faith is now more firmly settled on Jesus Christ. We are more comfortable with not having everything easily explained. We realize that we don’t know everything yet, but our trust in Jesus Christ and his ability to give us beauty for ashes gives us hope and peace. We are much stronger here than we were in the beginning. What used to be a hidden weakness is now made strong in Christ.

Another great talk on Faith that is resistant to the adversary is “Love is not Blind: Faith and Ambiguity” by Bruce C Hafen

We also discussed “Beauty For Ashes: The Healing Path of Forgiveness” by sister Kristin M. Yee

Sister Yee reminds us, “the Savior–in an incomprehensible way– [took] upon Him our sins and the sins of those who have hurt or offended us. In Gethsemane and on the cross, He claimed these sins. He made a way for us to let go of a vengeful heart. That ‘way’ is through forgiving–which can be one of the most difficult things we ever do and one of the most divine things we ever experience.”

“I don’t want what is fair any more. I want to be like Jesus.” Bob Goff

Sister Yee spoke of her own path learning to forgive her father. I also love Sister Sheri Dew’s story of forgiveness and grace:

My father had many virtues. He served faithfully in the Church his entire life. I doubt he ever missed home teaching in 60 years, though his home teaching route was a 100-mile round-trip. My earliest testimony of priesthood power came from him. After his death, we heard story after story about his quiet generosity. And my father’s word was gold. But my dad had an Achilles’ heel—a temper he never conquered. We knew he loved us, but we often bore the brunt of his anger.

One afternoon a few days before he died, I was sitting at his bedside as he slept. Suddenly, I found myself asking the Lord to forgive him for years of angry outbursts. As I prayed, something unexplainable happened to me. In an instant, I felt decades of hurt simply fall away. The feeling was spiritual, but it was also tangible. I could remember his anger, but I couldn’t feel any of the pain. It was gone. It was “beauty for ashes” (Isa. 61:3). It was sweet.

That is grace. The amazing power of grace. No earthly remedy could have done for me what the Savior did in that moment. It was the redeeming power of Jesus Christ that prompted me to pray for my father and even gave me the words to say; and it was His healing power that healed a lifetime of wounds.

I really appreciated that Sister Yee warned us not to try to rush other people (or ourselves) on this journey of healing and forgiveness. She said, “The timing of that healing is individual, and we cannot judge another’s timing. It is important to allow ourselves the necessary time to heal and to be kind to ourselves in the process.”

S. Michael Wilcox shares a beautiful story about learning to forgive his father in episode 12, season 2, of the Follow Him Podcast. The story begins at time 59:20. I encourage you to listen to it. I attempted to tell it in class and did not do the story or it’s lessons full justice.

Sister Yee encouraged us. She said, “I know that our Father in Heaven desires goodness and hope for each of his children. In Jeremiah we read, ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace.’ Jesus Christ is your personal Messiah, your loving Redeemer and Savior, who knows the pleadings of your heart. He desires your healing and happiness. He loves you. He weeps with you in your sorrows and rejoices to make you whole. May we take heart and take His loving hand that is ever extended as we walk in the healing path of forgiveness…”

You never know how much good you do.”
Now, my dear sisters, that is the way with you. You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price. ~Gordon B Hinkley