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My “Multi-Racial” Family

7 Jan

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My husband’s mother and his father’s father are from Mexico. Amusingly to us, most people think he is Indian. Amusing to me is that he seems the most offended when Hispanics assume he is “chicano” and start speaking in Spanish to him. I think though he isn’t really offended, just unsure of his Spanish. Perhaps he has had to answer these questions for so long, he is tired of them. To me, the questions still seem new. It does surprise me that people so often ask what his nationality is, and then when I explain that he was born in the US, so he is American, they are confused. “No but…where is he FROM?”

I found out recently that my sisters were surprised when I first brought him home to meet the family because i had not mentioned his complexion when i described him to them and they were expecting someone paler. To me, he was (and is) dreamboat handsome and I never can manage to remember that his skin is darker than mine except when I’m slathering on SPF 1000 so I can go outside on a cloudy day.

My 7 children cover an entire spectrum from fair to quite dark. It is my secret fear that someone will come up to me in a store one day and insist that my children cannot be mine because I don’t match them enough. So far, it has never happened, although I am almost always asked, “where did they get those dark eyes and hair from?” Or “Your children are or dark…”

For awhile, I dyed my hair black and didn’t have to answer that question. (The black hair was enough even though my eyes were still blue.) It was nice to not answer that question all the time, and I did feel more safe shopping with my kids, but keeping up with the hair dye got old fast. Also, my sixth child turned out to have light brown, almost blonde hair like mine, so then my dying my hair made her the odd man out. I decided she needed someone to match, too.

Sometimes I think perhaps I am the one who is prejudiced because I have this worry and it has never happened. But it is also possible that people where I live do not usually expect crime, because it rarely happens, and in a big city I would be challenged often.

Meeting New Friends at the Park

29 Sep

I took my kids to the park this evening and there was another woman pushing her kids in the swings next to me. Her kids had dark hair and eyes, like mine do and she said,
Her: So you are a white girl married to a Hispanic, too?

Me: ….(pause while I wrap my head around the question. I have never thought of myself in this way before. Probably because I define myself by who my family is, not by my race and my husband was born in the US and doesn’t refer to himself as Hispanic.)

…umm, yeah. I guess, I mean his mom is Mexican, but he doesn’t even speak Spanish. I think it would be nice if he did. Then our kids would learn Spanish.
Her: My husband and I, we both speak Spanish and English, so do our kids. You can put your kids in the Spanish class at the elementary school and they will teach them.

Me: There is a Spanish class at the elementary?
Her: Yes, it is called ES….something..

Me: ESL (English as a Second Language. My husband taught that in the high school for mostly HMONG kids. It is for teaching English, not Spanish.)
Her: Did you see on the morning show today, they were talking about the wives of Hispanics?

Me: No, I didn’t.
Her: Well, they were complaining about how white women marry Hispanics and then when they get deported, the women go on government aid. They didn’t even mention those of us who don’t.

Me: Oh? (???)
Her: Like my husband has been deported 3 times and I never asked for government help once! His friends just helped me out until he was able to get back.

Me: … uuhhh, That’s good. (what!!!!!?????)
Her: Obama said he was going to give everyone work visas, and he hasn’t done nothing.

Me: You’re right, he hasn’t. (It must be awful to live in fear that your husband will die trying to get back across the border.)
Her: We are all going to Mexico to visit soon. I’m kind of nervous because of what happened there on the border, you know? Like did you see that movie “Blood_something___” where they lured white women over the border and then chop them up and put pieces of them on crosses?

Me: No, I missed that one (thank goodness)
Her: We just got a bunch of them movies. There is this one, “Sin Nombre” it will make you cry. The man gets shot crossing the border. He doesn’t make it.

*******
Then she ran off to catch her son because he was headed for the road. And I had to leave to get my son to Cub Scouts on time.

Here’s the thing. I googled, trying to find the news program she was talking about. I couldn’t find it. I have questions though.

1. Is “white” synonymous to “citizen” where you live?

2. Is “Hispanic” synonymous with “illegal” where you live?

3. Why should an American Citizen who is married to an illegal alien have less rights than any other American Citizen? What makes her worse than any other American Citizen who applies for government aid?

4. Can’t this guy get a green card? He is married to an American Citizen.

5. Why can’t we just give everyone a green card? Then no one would be illegal and we would know who is here and they wouldn’t have to live in fear or be exploited by the bad guys.