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Trusting God

26 Oct

Things I’ve been thinking on lately. 

Cozy Family Nights

Trusting Jesus Christ

Elder Gary E. Stevenson said recently, “Living prophets in our day–who receive revelation from God to teach and lead us– are increasingly inviting us to come unto Christ.”  Part of coming unto Christ means we have to trust Him.  This is harder to do than it is to talk about.  To a small or great degree, we each want to keep our independence.  We want to “own our own soul” as C.S. Lewis put it.  Elder Sandino Roman of the Seventy asked this question in his talk, “Faith: A Bond of Trust and Loyalty.”  He asked, “How can you increase your trust in Christ?”  He was speaking to the youth, and he gave them two steps to try, which I know work, because I’ve done these things in my life:

“Start by meditating about Christ and the happiness His Atonement and gospel bring to your life. Also, make a record of the “spiritually defining memories” where God has been there for you, for your loved ones, and for the people in the scriptures. Now, these testimonies will not bring power to your life until the Spirit etches them in the “fleshy tables” of your heart. So ponder and record all God set in motion for these miracles to come at just the right time.  Next, use this exercise as an opportunity to get closer to God. Pray to your Heavenly Father as if it were the first time. Express your love and gratitude for His blessings. Even ask Him how He feels about you and about the direction your life is taking.”

Elder Roman promised, “If you are sincere and humble, you will hear His answer and begin a personal and lasting relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Not only that, but your religious habits will become meaningful! For instance, you will look forward to your prayers, personal study, and temple worship as opportunities to get to know Them and be with Them.”

That is a beautiful promise.  When we are not meditating on the tender mercies of God and praying with gratitude, it is easy to think that those actions sound boring or pretentious.  But when we are actually doing those things, they are meaningful and exciting.  Simone Weil, a French philosopher, teacher, and activist said: “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”

I began thinking over what other things I have done in my life that have increased my trust in Jesus Christ.  I thought of when President Nelson urged us to let God prevail in our lives. He asked us, “Are you willing to let God prevail in your life?…Are you willing to have your will swallowed up in His?…Consider how such willingness could bless you…”  

I asked myself, “What is preventing me from giving my will wholly to God?”  and a thought came to my mind. “What if giving my will to God means that I have to continue to struggle and worry over *a certain situation* for the rest of my life.  What if it is His will that I stay in this situation?”  I cried a little bit.  And then I decided that even if that is what it meant, I was willing to give my will to God.  There have been 2 or 3 times since then when a struggle has come to me, and I ask myself, “even now?  Will I give my will to God even now?”  Each time I have decided “Yes.  Even now I will give my will to Him.”  Each time I give my will to Him it is easier and my trust in Him grows.  What I have found is that God is good.  His plans are often not what I imagined.  I trust that His plans are better.  I have learned for myself that God keeps His promises.

Elder Sandino Roman said:  “faith sprouts as we trust in Jesus Christ and blooms as we are faithful and loyal to Him.  If you want a true relationship with Christ, show Him by making covenants and honoring them with faithfulness and loyalty.  Making covenants with Jesus builds hope.  Honoring them builds faith.”

President Nelson said: “What is the Lord willing to do for Israel?  The Lord has pledged that He will fight our battles, and our children’s battles, and our children’s children’s battles to the third and fourth generation.  …My dear brothers and sisters, as you choose to let God prevail in your lives, you will experience for yourselves that our God is a God of miracles.”

I have seen those miracles in my life and in the lives of my children.  I know my children are benefitting from the covenants of my parents and grandparents that God is honoring -that He would fight the battles of their children’s children. When I was young and I had a question about life or the gospel, I would ask my dad.  My dad would open the scriptures and read the answer to me.  I trusted his guidance as I would have trusted words from the Prophet himself.  I didn’t need to check other sources.  I wanted to know the scriptures like my dad did when I grew up, and so I studied.  I didn’t just listen in General Conference, I took notes.  I didn’t allow myself to quote someone without making sure that I knew who it was that said the quote.  I studied my scriptures and took notes.  I likened the scriptures to myself, and I pondered, “what is the lesson here for me?”  Over time I became a mother and still I studied.  I taught my children, and I studied.  There came a day when there was an upheaval in my family. One of my children decided to leave the church.   As I tried to navigate this event and counsel with my other grown children still at home, I asked them: “If you have concerns about gospel doctrine, let’s talk about them before you make a decision.”  They were silent, and then they said to me, “Well mom, we could talk about it, but that would just be your opinion.”  I felt as if all the air had been sucked away from my lungs.  I felt like Rebecca in Genesis when she says to Isaac, “What good shall my life do me?”  

I had spent all that time learning and studying, and my children were not interested in what I had gathered for them. 

  But a couple of years later, when my son began to seriously prepare for his mission, he and I began to study the scriptures together in the morning before he went to work.  We were trying to mimic the companionship study he would be doing on his mission.  I loved those mornings, but I often worried that I talked too much or pointed out things that were not relevant to him.  I was trying to feel and follow the Spirit, but I was also worrying.  Then one morning he said, “Mom, how do you do it?  That is the third time that you have said the exact thing I needed to hear.”   It was so sweet to my ears. It was a miracle.  My son’s mission was a miracle. I know that God keeps His promises.  I know He has a plan for each of my children, and it is a good plan.  Those plans are not finished yet.

Doctrine and Covenants 93:1- Verily thus saith the Lord: it shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am.

After the Farmington Temple dedication, our Stake President, President Whaley wrote to the Tuba City Stake.  He spoke of President Buu Nygren of the Navajo Nation visiting the open house and asking Elder Neil L Anderson, “Can a temple be built on the Navajo Nation?”  Elder Anderson related this question and promised that in due time a temple would be built on the Navajo Reservation.  President Whaley exhorted us as a stake, saying, “When it does happen, it won’t be because we asked for it…It won’t happen because a political figure asks for it. It will happen when we are worthy, prepared, and ready to perform the ordinances that can happen only in the House of the Lord.” President Whaley asked us to pay our tithing and to keep the Sabbath Day holy.  He reminded us that we are in a drought that has lasted over 30 years.  He said that we have been promised rain, that we could have grass again in Monument Valley if we would pay our tithing.  (I didn’t know that Monument Valley used to have grass.  That was pretty wondrous to me.)

We are in the last days.  It is already bad enough.  The children already suffer enough.  We just need to build Zion so that Jesus can return.

Elder Sandino Roman: “I invite you today to nurture your relationship with Jesus Christ.  Make a commitment to never forsake Him…Your loyalty, love, and trust in Christ will shape your character and identity after His.  You will gain confidence and strength to overcome Satan’s attacks.  And when you make mistakes, you will yearn for His forgiveness.  Finally, your hope for the future will be bright.  He will trust you with His power to accomplish anything He expects of you, even the power to return to His presence.”

No matter what excuse you make, it doesn’t change the truth that Jesus Christ loves you.  He has paid the price for your redemption.  You have value in His eyes–great value–more than you comprehend.  You were created on purpose.  You are here for a purpose, and God needs you.  Within you is the power to do much good.

❤ GlowWorm

A Navajo Story

18 Apr

Today I survived my first field trip as a teacher.  I was dreading it.  But everything went well, and no students acted too wild, got lost, or got hurt –not worse than tripping and falling on the trail, anyway.  And no one threw up on the bus. phew!

We are in state testing for the next 3 weeks. boring!  But soon enough that will be over as well, and then there are only about 3 weeks of school left.  I am going to make sure to do some of the things I really love to do with students- like writing more poetry.  

Two weeks ago, I heard a Navajo elder tell a story, and I keep thinking about it.  This morning I was thinking about it again.

The story goes like this:

There was a young Diné boy.  (Diné is the name that the Navajo call themselves.) The boy’s mother had told him never to go in a certain direction while he was hunting.  She said that there were bad spirits and shapeshifters in that area.  But the boy had his bow and arrows, and he thought he was strong.  He wanted to hunt squirrels or rabbits for his family.  So one morning before anyone else was up, he took his bow and arrows and went in that direction.  As he walked, he met a giant.  The giant touched his arm and looked into his eyes.  He spoke kindly to the boy, saying, “Come with me to my house.  There are many squirrels you can hunt there.”  And because the giant had captured the boy with his eyes and his ears and his touch, the boy was under his power and agreed to go with him.  

When they reached the giant’s home, the boy looked around at the barren land and said, “There are no squirrels, nor any other animal here.  Why did you say there were?”  He looked up at the giant, but the giant’s whole demeanor had changed. Now his face was cruel.  The giant said, “Go gather me some firewood.”  

            The boy, knowing there were no animals around to eat, asked, “Why do you want firewood?”  

            “I’m going to cook you and eat you,” said the giant.  Then, because he was in total control of the situation, the giant lay down and went to sleep.

The boy could not get away, so he began gathering the firewood.  As he gathered the wood, he wept in fear and loneliness.  But then, he heard a “Hsst!” which is how Diné parents get the attention of their children.  The boy looked around, but couldn’t see anyone, so he continued gathering wood.  Again, he heard, “Hsst!” He looked around, and this time, he saw a little chei, a little horned toad, sitting on a rock nearby.  The chei wears arrowheads all over his body and even a big arrowhead as a hat on top of his head.  The little horned toad asked the boy, “Why are you gathering wood and crying?”

“I am in the power of a wicked giant,” said the boy.  “He is making me gather this firewood so that he can cook me and devour me.  I’ll never see my mother or the rest of my family again,” and the boy began to cry even harder.  “I can help you,” said the chei.  “Do you see my hat?  The giant is afraid of my hat. Take it and put it on and show it to the giant, and he will run away.”  

The boy took the arrowhead hat from the horned toad and thanked him.  He put on the hat and ran to where the giant was sleeping.  He shook the giant’s arm and shouted, “Hey, hey, look at my hat.”  The giant woke up and saw the hat, and he was afraid.  He backed up away from the boy and began to run.  The boy chased after him, shaking his hat.  The giant ran until he fell off the edge of a mesa.  That was the end of the giant, and the boy was able to return to his family.

After he told the story, the Navajo elder explained that in the old days, giants in the stories represented disease– unknown illnesses that could wipe out a whole family or even a whole clan.  But, he said, the stories are still for today.  Today the giant represents drugs or alcohol.  The youth need to listen to their parents, listen to their elders, just like the boy listened to the little chei. (Chei is also the Diné word for maternal grandfather.) The teachings of your elders are like the hat that the chei gave to the boy so that he could defeat the giant.  

This story reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son, and how while feeding the pigs, the young man came to himself and remembered his father’s home.  I was also reminded of Enos, who was hunting beasts in the forest, when the words of his father sank deep into his heart, and he prayed for forgiveness, and obtained great promises.  And, I was reminded of Alma the Younger, who in his moment of excruciating despair, remembered his father teaching of one Jesus Christ, a son of God. Alma cried out for help, “Oh Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me,” and was delivered from torment.  

It is interesting to me that the chei gives the boy a hat–just like we talk about the helmet of salvation. (Doctrine and Covenants 27:18)  Billy Graham said that when we put on the helmet of salvation, we put on Christ himself.  President Nelson said, “God so loved the world that He sent His son to help us. And His son, Jesus Christ, gave His life for us.  All so that we could have access to godly power–power sufficient to deal with the burdens, obstacles, and temptations of our day.” 

No matter what giants we must face in this life, whether the giant of illness, of addiction, of pride, or of despair; whether the giants catch us with our eyes, our ears, or our feelings, it is Jesus Christ alone who will save us.  

Love,
GlowWorm

“A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame or money, but even practices it without any hope of doing it well.  Such a man must love the toils of the work more than any other man can love the rewards of it.”  G.K. Chesterton

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June 2024- First half

10 Jun

After school was out, I had to finish planning our ward girls’ camp.

But I did fit in time for walks and runs with the captain.

And I made a dress out of this fabric that I bought 9 years ago. so fun. This is the Laundry Day Tee pattern from Love Notions

Planning camp wasn’t a huge amount of work, because we kept it very simple. But I did need to finalize the food plans, gather candles for unity circle, craft supplies for just in case, and create some little songbook/camp journals for the girls to write in after devotional in the evening.

We camped in Durango, Colorado, at a very nice camp ground with a pool. The girls did a lot of swimming, because the weather was far hotter than we anticipated for such a high altitude as Durango and it being early June. The pool was a definite win.

For our big adventure, we went on a trail ride and also took a short walk along the Animas River.

With only four girls, it felt more like family camping than a church camp.

Banana Cream Pie

But they loved singing all the silly camp songs, and generally had a good time. I think they built their friendships and they felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. That was our goal. Win.

The girls’ only requested change for next year was that we put Ramen noodles on the menu. haha.

A quick run to Wally World for goggles and chips

I feel like we can say it was a success based on these sneak peeks from the girls’ journals:

More trail ride pictures:

The captain on Dobbin

Blooming Where You are Planted

1 May

I was asked to share some thoughts on the topic “Bloom Where You are Planted” at a Relief Society meeting. These are my ideas that I shared:

Be Grateful– As humans, we tend to focus on what we lack.  God has asked us to give thanks every day, and to be grateful in all things.  This is a gift to us to help us overcome our natural tendency to focus on what we lack.  

Bob Goff said, “We are not held back by what we don’t have.  We are held back by what we do have and don’t use.”

One way to bloom is to look around and ask yourself, “What resources do I have that I’m not using?”

Be Glad– My grandmother, Lenore Bennion, told me, “Happiness is not getting what you want.  Happiness is doing your duty and being glad.”

 One way to bloom is to ask yourself good questions that lead to gladness.

 “Why?” is generally a terrible question. e.g. “Why is my house always so messy?”  “Why are things so hard right now?”

 Instead ask “How?” or “What?” questions:

 How can I get my work done and have fun at the same time?

What can I do to laugh a lot today?

How can I make today better than yesterday?

What can I do to show my boss that I am the best person for this job?

Recognize Your Value- Another way to bloom is to recognize your true value. 

On a Sunday morning in January, six years ago, I stayed home from church with my 2-year-old twins, who were both feverish.  As I sat on the couch snuggling them, I felt suddenly an awe that my presence was what they wanted most.  They were miserable, and they just wanted me.  It’s incredible, really.  All the things I constantly criticize myself for, they didn’t care about.  They didn’t care that I needed to lose 40 pounds. They didn’t care that I wasn’t wearing makeup or dressed in trendy clothes. They didn’t care that the dinner I fixed the night before was hasty and lacked vegetables.  They didn’t care that I hadn’t mopped the floor yet. They just wanted me. That is unconditional love. That is my true value.

Realize that when you are doing what you can do, that is enough, and it is valuable-

“You never know how much good you do.  …You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price. ~Gordon B Hinkley To the Women of the Church 2003

If it is uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean you are failing or withering-

As we bloom and grow, we can recognize that growing is not always easy. Growth means change, and change can be scary and uncomfortable.  If life feels a little bit hard- that’s good! That means you are learning and changing!

“It might be hard at first or always.  “If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived.”
―Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Inconvenient Messiah”

Work on something you are good at and than give you joy-

Another way to bloom is to spend time on something you are good at. Always setting goals to work on what you are weak at can get discouraging.  Work on something that brings you joy!  Heavenly Father gave you gifts for a reason.

1 Timothy 4:14 Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery (elders).

 The same principle applies to service. You don’t always need to know what is most needed, you can serve out of the abundance of what brings you joy. We bloom when we serve others from the joy that overflows out of our hearts.

We feel inadequate because we are.

Let go of control of the outcome.  Bring your little basket of loaves and fish to the Savior’s feet and let Him multiply them.  

When we are going through hard things, it can be easy to think that God has forgotten us, that he is not nearby.  But the scriptures show us a different picture:

 In the Book of Mormon in Jacob chapter 5:21-22

 “And it came to pass that the servant said unto his master: How comest thou hither to plant this tree, or this branch of the tree? For behold, it was the poorest spot in all the land of thy vineyard.

 And the Lord of the vineyard said unto him: Counsel me not; I knew that it was a poor spot of ground; wherefore, I said unto thee, I have nourished it this long time, and thou beholdest that it hath brought forth much fruit.”

 

The Lord knows where you are planted, he knows the difficulty of your ground, and he is nourishing you.  He knows what is good for you and for your family.

 

“So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.”
―Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You”

Gather

20 Apr

The Man of the House and I drove south to Phoenix for the Gather conference. There was no school Friday, so we could travel during the day. We found a delicious Chinese-Korean restaurant in Mesa and spent the night in a lovely Air BnB.

Saturday morning, we had breakfast at a Mexican restaurant (not so delicious as we had hoped), and headed to the conference. We got to meet Ben Schilaty, Tom Christofferson, and Richard Ostler in person. It was strange to meet so many people in real life whose books and podcasts have been so influential and inspiring to us. I was totally a star-struck goose and had nothing intelligent to say to any of them, except “thank you.” We met and made friends with other LDS parents of LGBTQ kids. The feeling of love, connection, and kindness was overwhelming and wonderful.

My favorite speaker was the very first one, Greg Peterson. Mr Peterson is president of the community college in Chandler, Arizona. He compared the way elect universities, like BYU, operate and what kind of students attend those universities with the way community colleges operate and what kind of students attend there. He suggested that if we thought of Zion more like a community college and less like an elect university, we could better meet the needs of far more of Heavenly Father’s children.

At the community college, they know that all students do not have the same goals. They try to help guide the students toward goals that will be beneficial long term, but they also help those students reach their current goals. The college knows students will probably take breaks from school occasionally, and instead of fearing that, they just make it as easy to return to school as possible.

I’ve known many people in my life who could not identify with being elite or elect. I think they would like to hear more talk about Zion where everyone who wants to be there is included.

My favorite phrase from the conference:

“If you don’t fit in Zion, we aren’t done building it yet.”

I sat in front of two of the cutest gay missionaries, one wearing a rainbow vest knitted by a granny (I can’t remember if it was his own granny or someone else’s.) They said I gave off nurturing vibes, which made me so happy.

At the end of the conference, we sang together “All Are Alike Unto God” by Janice Kapp Perry. She wrote it last fall for the first Gather Conference ever held. It is poignant and beautiful music, and I cannot sing it without weeping.

Then the Captain and I drove the five hours home to Monument Valley and our waiting kids, full of love.

Small and Simple Things

17 Apr

Yesterday I was missing the springtime birds of Missouri. I wished for the cacophony of birdsong that I could hear in my front yard every morning. I had worked to learn to identify the different bird calls, and I knew many of them: cardinals, blue jays, Carolina wrens, oriole’s, red-winged blackbirds, dickcissel, meadow larks, robins – they felt like friends.

I was thinking that I haven’t heard any birdsong here in the desert, though I have seen ravens and a little brown sparrow-type bird.  

This morning, I woke early with ideas for young women’s, so I got up to write them down and study how best to achieve a meaningful activity for the girls this week. We suddenly have 9 girls coming to activities frequently, although sometimes it dips down to 3 again. 

On Sunday in Young Women’s class, one of the girls spoke of going to a cultural ceremony. She expressed that she had felt fear that she would offend God by going to it, but that she wanted to honor her heritage also. So she went, and she prayed that God would forgive her for going, and she felt peace.  I told her that God wants her to honor her heritage, and I felt right in saying it, although I know that not every single traditional practice is good.

It has been interesting to see how some of the Navajo adults at church felt they had to abandon every Navajo teaching – that is was all of the devil— and how others find the similarities and connections with Christian faith, and it strengthens their testimony of God.

I want the young women to be able to honor and keep the good, wise teachings of their heritage without fear.  I’ve been studying what principles I can teach them to help them feel confident in keeping all that is good in their Navajo traditions, and how to pray for guidance if they feel confused or unsure about something (as this young woman did.) And that they can move forward, learning as they go and not be afraid that they will be condemned for mistakes.

As I was finishing up making notes of the thoughts and ideas I had, I heard a bird chirping right outside my door, so loudly! It practically rang my doorbell and announced, “Hey, I’m out here!” 

I stepped outside my door and watched the sunrise and listened to the birds I had not heard before. Heavenly Father really is there in the small details of my life. His love is so generous and abundant, even when I don’t think to pray for the little things my heart longs for.  What I have now are some new birds to make friends with, and sufficient notes to guide a discussion with the Young Women about Our Heavenly Father, Mother, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. By the end of it, my hope is each girl will know that she has a testimony of their love for her. 

Love,

GlowWorm

My Christmas amaryllis bloomed a few days after Easter! It is beautiful

Holy Ground

28 Jan

“At the end of our lives He (God) is going to look into our hearts. What is it He will find there, I wonder? Will He find that we used the geography lesson, the dreaded math test, the teetering laundry pile, and the boiling over soup pot to draw closer to Him? Did we use these gifts to teach our children to lift their eyes heavenward? Were the tedious details of a day offered up as a way for us to love Him, or were they merely gotten through, checked off, accomplished? Did we even realize that every ordinary day, we were standing on holy ground, building a cathedral far more glorious than what we could dream up on our own?”

~Sarah Mackenzie

This is Heaven

28 Jan

My thoughts on Matthew 19:

I don’t think this is a story about sacrificing and doing what children need or want when Mom is tired and needs rest. I think this is a story about what brought rest to Jesus.

How did Jesus feel about the children?


Maybe after a long day of healing mulititudes,

of being challenged by Pharisees,

accused by scribes,

rejected by people who just wanted more magic bread,

teaching his disciples (who just still didn’t “get it”)

—maybe after all that, Jesus just wanted to be surrounded by some innocence and some pure love unfeigned.

He said, “Please, let the little children come. THIS is heaven. Let me be surrounded by heaven for a little while.”

Art by AJspalette https://www.etsy.com/listing/1027503187/

Our Job is to Provide Hope

5 Jan

We provide hope and a heart by constantly reminding our children of all the good that we can see in them. They do not need to hear us worrying that they are forgetting to do the right thing. They do not need us to list their failings. They need to hear that we think they are wonderful, fantastic, amazing humans. Because they are.

Listen, Learn, and Love

4 Jan
Papa Ostler

My husband and I were invited by Richard Ostler to be guests on his podcast and share our experience with navigating faith transitions as parents of an LGBTQ child.

Papa Ostler is a wonderful, insightful man, and we really appreciate his work sharing the stories of our LGBTQ a brothers and sisters. His first book helped me sort myth from fact when our child came out. It helped me so much. Listening to the stories of others helped the Captain and I so much.

We agreed to be on the podcast even though it was intimidating because we hope our story can help others just as we were helped.

We had an enjoyable conversation with him, and that podcast is now live. You can listen to it at this link:. Episode 728 of the Listen Learn and Love Podcast.

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