I was asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting this Sunday. I was told I could speak on whatever I wanted, so I chose to share some experiences from my life that are foundational to my testimony of Jesus Christ.
Why should I keep the commandments?
When I was young, I often got painful ear-aches. My parents had a little rectangular heating pad, and when I had an ear-ache, I would lie down with my bad ear on that pad. The heat kind of helped reduce the pain in my ear. I remember one evening when I was ten or 11, lying with my ear on that heating pad and feeling miserable. Because I was feeling so miserable, my thoughts became miserable also.
I thought about how hard it was to be good all the time. I thought, “I will spend my whole life working hard to keep the commandments and having no fun, and then I will die and go to heaven, and I’ll STILL have to keep the commandments!” Suddenly, I felt that the commandments were like chains, holding me down forever. Miserable tears trickled across my cheeks and dripped into my bad ear.
Why should I bother trying so hard to keep the commandments? What was all this effort worth?
And then I heard a voice, and the voice said, “Because Heavenly Father and Jesus love you, and they want you to be with them.” And just like that, the chained down feeling left me, and instead I felt intensely loved. The commandments are love, not restrictions!
From this point, the foundation of my testimony has been: I am loved, and keeping the commandments is worth it because my Heavenly Father and Mother and Jesus Christ love me, and they want me to be with them, and I want to be with them.
Is the Book of Mormon true?
As a teenager, I decided that I needed to pray and find out if the Book of Mormon was really true. I thought it was true, but was that just me? Did I just believe it because my parents had taught me when I was little? I didn’t know how to tell if what I thought and felt was the Holy Ghost or if I was just making it up in my head.
I prayed and prayed and felt like I was not getting an answer. Maybe I was looking for some kind of miraculous event- my own first vision. Finally one day, I just had a thought, “You already know it is true.” I realized that I did not need the Holy Ghost to tell me the Book of Mormon was true. I knew it already, and that was enough.
Why should I stay in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?
When I was in high school, I dated a boy who was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In fact, he was a member of one of those Christian churches that have Sunday classes on “Why Mormons are Wrong and Bad.” I thought that I loved this boy, and I thought that I would marry him. I knew that if I married him, I would never go to my church again. I thought about all the things I had learned in Primary and at home in Family Home Evening. It was going to be such a great black hole in my life to leave all of that behind. But I was going to sacrifice myself on the altar of (false) love. One day, my mother asked me, “You might be willing to leave the church for yourself, but what about your children? Do you want them to be born in a family that is sealed in the temple?”
I knew I wanted my children to grow up as I had, in a family sealed together. I wanted them to learn to sing “I am a Child of God” in primary, and to know that they had a Heavenly Mother and a Heavenly Father. I wanted them to have the Book of Mormon, so they could grow up with heroes like Nephi and Ammon and Captain Moroni.
I broke up with that boy. I am Rebecca, and I waited until I found my Isaac (who was actually named Benjamin.) My covenant husband who would help me raise children in righteousness.
True love always brings you closer to God.
“The Church” is not some guys in suits in Salt Lake City making rules. The Church is all of us, working together to help each other walk with Jesus Christ. We are the body of Christ. That is why you can’t really leave the church. You may think you have left, but you haven’t really left. You are still one of us, and we will always be here for you. The church is a forever family.
Why should I accept callings?
So as you know, my husband is a captain in the Army National Guard, but before he was in the Guard, I was in the Guard for 8 years, and my basic training was tougher than his! For one thing, it was back in the 1900’s. Everything was harder back then.
Well near the end of my basic training, we had a 15 km ruck march to complete. It was terribly hot, muggy Missouri weather, so we began the march at 8pm and rucked through the night. I was a platoon guide at that time, so I was in charge of a group of about 15 other basic trainees, and it was my job to make sure they all completed the march. We had on all our gear, canteen belts, heavy rucksacks (filled with gear we would not need just to make them heavy), helmets, and our rifles. We were lined up in single file, about 4 feet apart on the road, and we started marching.
15km is long enough, but I didn’t just march 15km, because I was a platoon guide. Rucking spread out like that is lonely, and in the night it was eerie and discouraging as well. I walked forward and backward along the line of the soldiers I was responsible for, making sure they were doing ok. Making sure they were drinking water. Encouraging them.
Sometime in the early hours of the morning, as we got out of the forest and into paved road and buildings, the drill sergeants took direct charge, formed us back up into platoons, and marched us in formation for the last portion of the ruck. Suddenly, I wasn’t responsible for anyone but myself anymore. With no-one to worry about except myself, I became acutely aware of how tired I was. My feet hurt so badly, they felt as wide as pancakes, and every step felt like I was stepping on nails. My hip was stinging and burning (when we got back to the barracks, I found that my canteen had rubbed a patch of skin raw during the march). I almost quit. I was sure that I could not go on. The first three-quarters of the march, I had been happy and energized as I encouraged and helped others. I did not notice my own pain or fatigue. The last one-quarter, I was miserable and suffering as I had only myself to focus on. That night, I learned that I was able to accomplish much more distance when I was focused on helping others than when I was only focused on myself.
I have found this is true as a parent, also. I might not be willing to work on overcoming my sins and weaknesses just for myself, but I am willing to change so that my husband and my children have a better wife and mother.
In the General Handbook of the church, section 4.1 it reads:
Leaders encourage members to engage in God’s work by becoming true followers of Jesus Christ. To do this, leaders first strive to be the Savior’s faithful disciples by following His teachings and example. Then they can help others draw nearer to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. In the process of helping others, they become better disciples themselves. Being a faithful disciple in order to help others become a faithful disciple is the purpose behind every calling in the Church. Each calling includes opportunities to serve, lead, and strengthen others.
True love is costly. We are interconnected, and we have to be responsive to one another. Without each other, none of us would be willing to do all the work necessary to become like Jesus Christ. We need each other in order to become aware of our own weakness and lack of love. We need each other to learn how to love in the true way.
How can I be forgiven of my sins?
One Sunday I had guard drill, so I was working, but my Commander let us go a little early, and as I drove home, I realized that if I stopped at the church, I could just catch the last bit of General Conference. I slipped into the back of the chapel, eager to be spiritually fed, happy to have not missed it all. Whoever it was that was speaking in that moment said, “the atonement is more personal than we realize.”
I turned that phrase over in my mind for many weeks, wondering what it could mean. Then one day as I was reading the Book of Mormon, a vision flashed through my mind. I saw a tree on a small hill, and under the tree, Jesus Christ was kneeling. He was praying, and he was bowed down by a great weight. I was in a line of people, an endless line, as if it contained everyone in the whole world, waiting to go to the hill. And then it was my turn. I stood alone before my Savior. He raised His eyes and looked on me. I do not remember what His face looked like, but I remember the emotions I saw there.
He saw me. He knew me. He understood me.
He loved me.
He agreed “yes, I will take her sins upon me.”
And then I saw him wince as the weight of my sins dropped down upon His shoulders.
and then I was no longer there- it was someone else’s turn.
In 1Nephi 21:16, Nephi writes the words of Isaiah: Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands…
When Jesus visited the children of Lehi after his resurrection,
They heard a voice from heaven saying,
3Nephi 11: 7-12
7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.
8 And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.
9 And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:
10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.
11 And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the dwill of the Father in all things from the beginning.
12 And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude fell to the earth; for they remembered that it had been prophesied among them that Christ should show himself unto them after his ascension into heaven.
They fell down in surprise and fear. But Jesus spake to them, saying,
3Nephi 11:14-17
14 Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.
15 And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.
16 And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying:
17 Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him.
They fell down again, but this time in worship and love because each of them had felt the nail prints in his hands, and really knew who He was, and I wonder as they looked at His wounds, did they each see their own name written there?
Marvelous Pigs in Satin 
Leave a comment