Today in Relief Society we discussed this talk from October 2022 General Conference: Building a Life Resistant to the Adversary. Elder Zeballos gave us an analogy from his experience as a civil engineer. While in the university, he looked forward to taking classes on how to design buildings that could be “Anti-seismic.” However, the professor of the class explained on the first day that no building can be anti-seismic, “because earthquakes will occur anyway, whether we like it or not… What I can teach you is how to design structures that are seismic-resistant, structures that can resist the forces coming from an earthquake, so that the structure remains standing without suffering serious damage and can then continue offering the service for which it had been conceived.”
Since this was to be a metaphor for our spiritual lives, I asked my sisters:
“What are the earthquakes that occur in our lives? What things happen that shake us, a little or a lot?”
We listed many, including: death, serious illness, divorce, abuse, having a gay child, loss of job/money problems, changes in church policies, unfairness/injustice, complexity of our lives and the world, family members leaving the church, internal conflict with pride/selfishness, and unmet expectations about how the church should be, how God should be, how life should be, or how we should be.
Elder Zeballos said, “The joy promised in the scriptures should not be understood to mean… that we will have no ‘cracks’ as consequences of temptations, of adversity, or from actual trials of our earth life.” I asked,
How does recognizing “earthquakes will occur anyway, whether we like it or not,” help us to be resistant to the adversary?
Here we had a discussion about THE PLAN OF SALVATION: how it began with Creation, how then there was a Fall, and finally an Atonement. Even though we like to pretend that we don’t have to experience the Fall, each of us lives this creation-fall-atonement story arc many times in our lives. Our children go through it. Our marriages go through it. We go through it. Happily for us, our doctrine embraces the Fall. We know that we could not stay in the Garden of Eden. Mankind had to Fall in order to move forward. But God so loved the word that He sent His Only Begotten Son. There was an Atonement made to help us overcome the Fall and return to God’s presence.
Our faith goes through this same path. We begin in the Garden of Eden phase. Everything is tidy, clean-cut, black and white. It seems strong, but it is actually fragile, because there are unexposed weaknesses. Then life happens, earthquakes happen. We are shaken. We have a crack or a broken window, or our roof collapses, perhaps the entire life feels in ruins. We enter the Fall. Here we realize everything isn’t tidy. Everything doesn’t match up. It is complex! It’s a mess! It is scary to be in the Fall. We can feel like we are off the path. It is hard to get our balance. Here is where it is important to remember that earthquakes will happen to everyone. Being in the Fall is part of being on the path. It is accounted for in THE PLAN. Within the Fall, we may wish for those good old days when everything was simple. We may be afraid to talk to others for fear of shaking their faith. we may become bitter and try to bring others to join us, or we may become apathetic. The important thing when we are in the Fall, is not to build our house there. It is not a great place to stay long term. We need to find hope and move forward. We may wish that we could go back to the garden, but it is impossible to go back.
Even though we know that the Fall is part of the path, its uncomfortable for us to be there or to acknowledge it. When are children or friends are there, we get even more uncomfortable, even afraid. We want to rush in and bear our testimony about how we overcame that particular earthquake, or tell them why we don’t think they should feel shaken in the first place. A fascinating thing happened during our Relief Society Lesson. When one sister brought up that changes in church policy have sometimes been an “earthquake” for her, immediately, 5-6 hands went up. It was obvious that most of us had struggled with this because almost everyone had a comment to make to share how they had mended this particular crack in their own foundation. I think it is good to share our experiences. I also think it is important that before we start trying to mend cracks in our spiritual houses, we need to acknowledge the extent of the damage. If we skip over this acknowledgement, whether due to fear, discomfort, or eagerness to share our own journey, we may alienate the loved one we are trying to help. We may miss the actual damage, placing a bandage over where we think the crack is, instead of where it actually is. We may apply a surface treatment, not realizing how deep the damage goes.
Elder Zeballos said, “The event of an earthquake leaves its mark even on structures that were correctly designed and built…” We need to acknowledge the cracks before we try to repair them. What has been shaken? How deep are the cracks? We need to put our arm around our friend (or our-self) and just listen for awhile. We need to acknowledge that the earthquake happened. That damage was done, and that it was scary and it hurt. Repairs cannot begin until the extent of the damage is known and acknowledged.
When we or someone we love experiences an earthquake, we need not be afraid. They are not doing something wrong because they have been shaken. Instead, we can celebrate the progress that has happened! This is part of THE PLAN! It is a necessary part of the journey. The important thing to remember is to keep progressing. As Jared Halverson says, “Don’t let a good faith crisis go to waste.” A good faith crisis will move you closer to God. We also need to be patient and be okay with letting them move slowly through the repair process.
We need to allow their repair process to look different from our own. I was once in a counseling group trying to process an event in my life that I needed to grieve over. Another woman in the class was very uncomfortable with my grief. She kept insisting that I should not be sad because of this and that. That I would not be sad once I realized, as she had, this other thing. But I was not ready for any of those things yet. First, I just needed to grieve the loss I had experienced. When I was ready, the Lord spoke to my heart the truths that healed my wounds. While a friend could be the way that the Lord speaks healing words to a wounded heart, always remember, that heart needs to be ready to heal- else the balm may not sink in.
Elder Zeballos said, ” ..because of the grace that reaches us through the Atonement of our Savior, we will be successful in constructing a life resistant to sin…” Through the power of Jesus Christ, by His Grace, our shaken life can be repaired. Our tumbled down house can be rebuilt. When we enter the Atonement stage, our faith is stronger than before. Instead of a foundation build on incorrect expectations, we have learned more about the nature of God and ourselves. We have moved from simple to complex, and on to simplicity beyond the complex. Our faith is now more firmly settled on Jesus Christ. We are more comfortable with not having everything easily explained. We realize that we don’t know everything yet, but our trust in Jesus Christ and his ability to give us beauty for ashes gives us hope and peace. We are much stronger here than we were in the beginning. What used to be a hidden weakness is now made strong in Christ.
Another great talk on Faith that is resistant to the adversary is “Love is not Blind: Faith and Ambiguity” by Bruce C Hafen
We also discussed “Beauty For Ashes: The Healing Path of Forgiveness” by sister Kristin M. Yee
Sister Yee reminds us, “the Savior–in an incomprehensible way– [took] upon Him our sins and the sins of those who have hurt or offended us. In Gethsemane and on the cross, He claimed these sins. He made a way for us to let go of a vengeful heart. That ‘way’ is through forgiving–which can be one of the most difficult things we ever do and one of the most divine things we ever experience.”
“I don’t want what is fair any more. I want to be like Jesus.” Bob Goff
Sister Yee spoke of her own path learning to forgive her father. I also love Sister Sheri Dew’s story of forgiveness and grace:
My father had many virtues. He served faithfully in the Church his entire life. I doubt he ever missed home teaching in 60 years, though his home teaching route was a 100-mile round-trip. My earliest testimony of priesthood power came from him. After his death, we heard story after story about his quiet generosity. And my father’s word was gold. But my dad had an Achilles’ heel—a temper he never conquered. We knew he loved us, but we often bore the brunt of his anger.
One afternoon a few days before he died, I was sitting at his bedside as he slept. Suddenly, I found myself asking the Lord to forgive him for years of angry outbursts. As I prayed, something unexplainable happened to me. In an instant, I felt decades of hurt simply fall away. The feeling was spiritual, but it was also tangible. I could remember his anger, but I couldn’t feel any of the pain. It was gone. It was “beauty for ashes” (Isa. 61:3). It was sweet.
That is grace. The amazing power of grace. No earthly remedy could have done for me what the Savior did in that moment. It was the redeeming power of Jesus Christ that prompted me to pray for my father and even gave me the words to say; and it was His healing power that healed a lifetime of wounds.
I really appreciated that Sister Yee warned us not to try to rush other people (or ourselves) on this journey of healing and forgiveness. She said, “The timing of that healing is individual, and we cannot judge another’s timing. It is important to allow ourselves the necessary time to heal and to be kind to ourselves in the process.”
S. Michael Wilcox shares a beautiful story about learning to forgive his father in episode 12, season 2, of the Follow Him Podcast. The story begins at time 59:20. I encourage you to listen to it. I attempted to tell it in class and did not do the story or it’s lessons full justice.
Sister Yee encouraged us. She said, “I know that our Father in Heaven desires goodness and hope for each of his children. In Jeremiah we read, ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace.’ Jesus Christ is your personal Messiah, your loving Redeemer and Savior, who knows the pleadings of your heart. He desires your healing and happiness. He loves you. He weeps with you in your sorrows and rejoices to make you whole. May we take heart and take His loving hand that is ever extended as we walk in the healing path of forgiveness…”
Marvelous Pigs in Satin 
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